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Ask Margo — If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life… overcoming the friend barrier

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Q- Dear Margo,
"I think I’m a cute, sweet, interesting, nice and decent man, yet I am single. I have a lot of close female friends, but no girlfriend.
I cherish all of my female friends, they come to me for advice, they talk to me about all of their problems, they’ll have a coffee with me and then they complain to me that there are no good men out there, yet they can not see me as anything other than a friend, or even worse a ‘father figure,’ as some of them are a few years younger than me (not too young of course, 8-10 years max) , yet I can not overcome the ‘friend barrier.’ I always thought a good relationship with a woman began with a good, solid friendship. I don’t mind being their confidante and coffee buddy, but how do I overcome the friend barrier and turn a girl friend into an actual girlfriend.

Isn’t that one of the things a woman wants in a man ― a good, solid friendship? Someone who will listen to them? Be kind to them and accept them for who they are? Or am I being naïve? For that matter, how does a woman let a man know that she is interested in him romantically rather than just a friend?

A- The “friend barrier” is not something you can just overcome.

All the smooth tricks in the book won’t get you anywhere unless one of these female friends already has, or has the potential to have, an interest in you.


It is likely that your female friends are not telling you the whole story when they say they are looking for a “good man”. They are probably thinking of a handsome, talented man who has money and social status, is intelligent and all the things they want in a partner, oh and they want him to be a nice guy. Tall order huh? But just ask ’em in 10 years if they got all those qualities in a partner and you may see a lot of our love lives and partner searches don’t pan out the way we want them to.


So what-a-ya-do? If none of your female friends are interested in you now there is no reason to worry; there ain’t nothing wrong with you. What might be wrong here is that you are going for, or looking at, the wrong women.

To put it frankly, perhaps these women are young enough to have high or impossible standards. This should come as no surprise because most men prefer younger women (i.e., women in their twenties) which allows for some fierce competition.


You might be thinking ‘wait a second I know many men who, like myself get young girls despite the fact that they are out of their league’.


So what-a-ya-do? If none of your female friends are interested in you now there is no reason to worry; there ain’t nothing wrong with you. What might be wrong here is that you are going for, or looking at, the wrong women. To put it frankly, perhaps these women are young enough to have high or impossible standards. This should come as no surprise because most men prefer younger women (i.e., women in their twenties) which allows for some fierce competition.
You might be thinking ‘wait a second I know many men who, like myself get young girls despite the fact that they are out of their league’.

If you do see other men who do not seem much different than you, doing really well with young ladies who could leave them at any time for someone just as awesome, please be rest assured that these dudes are probably having some trouble. Likely they have an uneven balance in their relationship and are working their asses off to keep the girl around. Though, I’m sure this isn’t always the case.

Go for women who are older than their twenties, women that will appreciate you for all the good things that you are. Join a club or alter your social life so that you can meet single women who are more obtainable. Continue to trust you will bring great qualities to a relationship. Have confidence. Confidence is sexy, and it is a quality you will always be in control of possessing.


As for your final question, how do women show they are interested? Depends on the woman (oh and the chemistry between you). I have to admit this business of figuring out whether a woman is interested can be really confusing.

Hell, sometimes I don’t even know when I am interested. Use your sensitive side (I’m assuming since you have a lot of female friends) to help you pay attention to what their body language might be telling you. If they are interested there will likely be some signs of it, even if they are shy. And hey, you can always take a risk and ask one of your female friends out. Since you have so many of ‘em, you really don’t have much to lose … unless you start asking them all out.
Ask Margo for advice. Email questions to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

— By Margo, Special to L.A. Beat
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