Q- Hi Margo. I have caught my ex-boyfriend driving by my house a few times now. I live on a side street so I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I ended the relationship two months ago because we weren’t getting along. He isn’t doing well with the breakup and I know he is going through a hard time but he has never been abusive or anything like that so I’m not really afraid of him. Though I don’t know how creeped out I should be. The last time he saw me see him and when I talked to him a few days later neither of us mentioned it. I think he would be embarrassed if I said anything to him. What should I do?
A- I agree it is hard to know whether to treat his behaviour as a symptom of his suffering, or a threat to your safety. I would treat it as both. While being dumped really sucks, he is still choosing to spy on you. I don’t think there is one right way to deal with any form of grief, but creeping out the people around you is not really helpful because, ya know, it just causes further isolation.
Some broken-hearted people will torture themselves by investigating the life of their ex. They don’t want to care what their ex is up to, but they also want to know and sometimes they choose to give in to this desire. Acting out of this form of desperation can lead to a blossoming obsessionand your ex is certainly showing signs of this. Hopefully being caught in the act has shamed him enough to stop with the obsessive behaviour.