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L.A. Beat

Ask Margo — how do traveling musicians cope with relationships back home

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Dan Savage, the famous sex columnist and author of “Savage Love” tells of how his career began with one piece of advice to a friend:  'Make sure your paper has an advice column ― everybody claims to hate 'em, but everybody seems to read 'em'" (found on wiki).
from clipart.comDating advice columns are entertaining (I read them); isn’t it because we get to hear about other people’s problems and learn, as well as assess how well we are doing at life and/or our own relationships?

Plus, they can be humourous and hopefully, at least somewhat informative. I have studied psychology (with a keen interest in relationships and human sexuality) and that should help, but mostly, I’m experienced and opinionated enough to tell you what’s what.

 After a several month hiatus (formerly appearing in U of L paper The Meliorist), thanks to L.A. Beat, Ask Margo is back and ready to dish out some mad advice.

As a starting point I have a general question from the editor:

Q- How does a busy musician on the road cope with having a steady partner at home?

A-When I think about this I immediately imagine one partner at home while the other partner is, not only away from home, but in the ‘realms of the unreal’ where temptation of sex, drugs, and rock & roll are plentiful.

But really, seems to me the life of a traveling musician consists of: getting up, finding shoes and toothpaste (if that) driving for hours, setting up, eating, drinking, playing, tearing down, sleeping and repeating the next day. (If your partner is partaking in any temptations you can at least be rest assured they are not spending any quality time doing so).

Finding time to connect could be a problem. It is, after all hard to do that shameful thing couples do where they share the mundane details of their day when your band mate is sitting right next to you, listening.


I say the best way to deal with this is to discuss expectations before the parting musician hits the road. I had a friend who got into a fight with his girlfriend because he had neglected to text her after a late night show.


She argued that even though she was asleep at the time, she wanted to wake up and find that he had at least tried to contact her.

It is important not to fully accommodate partner’s insecurities, but in the instance of a traveling musician, isn’t the threat (not knowing what they are up to) kind of real? Both partners have to trust one another, and make an agreement and stick to it. No one wants to be fun policed by their partner when they are away, and the partner at home should not have to worry about their partner’s genitals meeting new ones without their knowledge or blessing. So if you say you are going to text every night, then text every damn night. Okay? Plus fighting on the road sucks. You just can’t yell the same way that you can in person.


All lovers, and would be lovers: Do you have a relationship/dating/sex question?  Ask Margo for advice. Email questions to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Confidentiality, an open mind, and a sense of humour totally assured.
Are you too shy, or embarrassed? Use a fake email account, or tell me the question is for a "friend".

— By Margo, Special To L.A. Beat
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