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L.A. Beat

Ask Margo: Hit the ignore button (on your sister or your boss)

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Q: What is the best way to deal with an ex-gf becoming your new boss? We broke up well, and still get along so far, but I can't shake the sneaking suspicion that she is being harder on me than the rest of the cast. Her notes have been more specific and she won’t let me get away with the stuff she lets other people get away with. My job is a very specific sought after job in the creative field and is the only paying job for a particular skill that I have which also happens to be my passion, so looking for another job is really not possible.

A: Your boss/ex probably is being harder on you. It could be because she doesn’t want to appear as though she favours you over anyone else.

Or it could be th by clipart.comat because of your history, you happen to annoy the heck out of her, and she can’t help but to pick on you. Whatever the reason, if it’s not interfering with how well you can do your job, than do what most of us have to do when dealing with supervisors we don’t necessarily agree with: be polite and professional, even if you don’t want to.

If you really think she is hindering your performance then bring it up with her privately without making a big deal out of it. Be brief and to the point and try your darndest to not sound as though you are accusing her of anything.

If nothing changes after speaking with her, wait three months before revisiting the issue. Sometimes this kind of work problem goes away its own. People in new positions usually need time to adjust and settle into their roles. With a little bit of time she will probably stop with the nit-picking.
It’s also possible that she is giving you these extra notes out of a different kind of special treatment. Perhaps she has a stronger interest in helping you succeed.

Are her notes useful and will you gain from this extra feedback? Try giving her the benefit of the doubt and stay patient. 
Oh and Mister, don’t forget to be joyful in your dream job. If your new boss, your co-workers, or friends catch you whining about this situation they may just slap you upside the head.

Q: Dear Margo, I have a problem, a problem with my sister. Someone who I am not especially close to at all anymore. It seems like every time I do something, she always has to do the same thing as well. Whether it be tattoos, piercings, going on a holiday, even the act of creating human life.

It feels like everything I do I have to hide from her, for fear that she will "copy" me (I know that sounds so immature). Maybe I'm being childish, even narcissistic, should I be flattered or angry do you think it may be a way for her to get close with me again? Doing the things I do to show some sort of sisterly connection? Sincerely, simulated sister.

A: What serves you best? Sticking to your guns, being angry that she is copying you, or considering it a compliment? If you are angry you probably won’t be able to help yourself from keeping track of what she is doing to make sure that she isn’t copying you, and this is practically the same thing as her annoying you by keeping tabs on what you are doing.
Setting boundaries (not seeing much of her, keeping info from her just to avoid her copying behaviours from continuing) doesn’t seem to be working for you, so try letting it go.

You could see her as someone who is lost and looking to you for guidance, but remember she shares 50 per cent of your genes. She probably has some of the same drives to do the things you do, not because she wants to copy you, but because you two are so biologically similar. Plus there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it.

If you confront her about any of this she will probably just get really defensive and won’t admit to a thing. You will be spinning your wheels for nothing. As far as the superficial copying (like looks) we all copy one another anyway.

That is how tattoos and piercing became so popular. So, if your choices make you feel good about yourself and/or have personal meaning to you then who cares what she, or anyone else, is doing … right? Besides, matching sisters are hot.  

— By Margo, Special to L.A. Beat
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