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L.A. Beat

Ask Margo: Don’t speak — know when to hold your tongue

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Q: I’m friends with a girl who acts like we are dating.

She flirts with me heavily in public and asks for favours that a boyfriend would do, but then says we are just friends. When we are alone she behaves like nothing happened and then talks about other men. She isn’t shy so she would tell me if she likes me.

from I get convinced that she doesn’t until we are out together. The other night she was all over me and then all over some other guy the next minute. I know that we were all drinking but she does this kind of thing all the time. Do I come right out and ask her if she is into me, or should I just give up?

A: Give up what exactly? Being interested in her, or showing your interest? I bet that your friend already has a hunch that you are interested and keeps you that way because she enjoys – and not to mention benefits, from the attention you give her. 

Asking her point blank about it will probably get you a wishy-washy answer.

Her behaviour indicates she is either not sure about her feelings for you, or is not interested in getting involved with you (or possibly anyone).


She probably just likes the thrill of being provocative around willing men. Don’t let it get to your head, and if you don’t like it, then don’t let her engage you in these fake advances.

If you are aloof, or walk away when she flirts with you, she will notice. She may feel embarrassed and she may even approach you to ask you what’s up.

That would be your chance to say what you think or feel. You can’t force her to decide if she is into you, no matter how many times you bring it up, but you can decide to no longer be interested in being treated like her prop.

Q: My girlfriend has gained weight since we started dating a year or so ago. Is there a kind, gentle way to tell her I would love it if she slimmed down a little? I am in good shape and I wish that she was too.

A: Nope. There isn’t any kind way to bring it up: unless you think upsetting your gf (and potentially making her even fatter) is kind. People are motivated to lose weight when they feel good about themselves, not when they feel bad.

You bringing it up won’t just hurt her feelings, but will likely be the beginning of an ongoing issue that you probably prefer not to deal with. If she complains about her weight, than you can, in your “gentle way”, ask her if she wants your help.

Since you are so in shape yourself, you can guide her into weight loss by encouraging her to eat healthy, and hit the gym -all that stuff that we all know about.

Try to find an activity you both enjoy, and commit to doing it together a few times a week. But don’t set your hopes too high, she may not ever lose the pounds, and if she is happy with it, then you can perhaps try to be as well? Some people are really into health and fitness, and want the same in a partner, so much so that an unhealthy/overweight partner is a turnoff.

If it’s really a deal breaker for you, then you should think about dumping her now, rather than waiting for her to change.
Ask Margo for advice. Email questions to: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

— By Margo, Special To L.A. Beat
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